don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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