She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize