I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
