Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
