May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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