i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
