he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
