Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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