Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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