I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
