im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
