Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
