this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
