she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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