someone threw a dead crab at me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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