threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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