You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
