HIV tests are more positive than that guy
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
