If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
