My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
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Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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