Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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