I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
