I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
