I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
