So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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