We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
