very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
