I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize