sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
