just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
