Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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