We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
