She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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