I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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