My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
