just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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