Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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