Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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