I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i think i just lost a toe
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
