I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
