she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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