And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You made out with two different species that night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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