On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
