well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
