Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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