it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
