Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
