You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
