My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
