was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This baby is an asshole
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
