Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
