Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
