A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize