remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
