you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
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Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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