I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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