And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't deserve a penis
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
