theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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