i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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