His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
