i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
