people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
