Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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