I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
