The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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